Happy End of the Week, Families!
If you’re anything like most of us, when Monday hits you wish you’d had an extra day to organize the family for the week. Even though we may enjoy the lack of structure on the weekend, it can be really stressful knowing that we have an unwritten list, or even worse, an unrealistic list looming. We start the weekend off with great intentions, and then life takes over, and the cycle begins again on Monday with the addition of some unplanned events like a sick kid, extended family obligations, a clogged breast duct, or a pukey dog! (I’ve clearly had plenty of personal experience with unplanned events)
The truth is, it’s not really the act of writing a list that is complicated. There are plenty of apps, websites, and good old fashioned pen and paper to work with. Where we go astray is the content that we choose to add to the list-WAY TOO MUCH of the wrong information! So let’s start by rethinking your basics.
SIMPLIFY- I like to sit down on Sunday, and think about my week in terms of quality of life first of all. Jot down on a list or calendar your regular weekly events (allergy shots, yoga class, play-dates, grocery shopping) and set it aside. We’re going to be talking about special event items.
Money.
I know, I know… but this really will be quick and relatively painless. Hang in there. Figure out what you have now, what you have to work with for the week. If you don’t have a handle on a budget, with your partner, (if applicable) you can’t really plan for your family’s needs without hitting some major stress potholes. Figure out what the top financial priorities are for the week. Electric bill? Daycare? Mortgage? Groceries? Whatever those are, make sure you are considering those as you move forward with your list. There are some good templates on Google sheets if you need some help with an organized format.
Once you’ve acknowledged the top priorities for your family, do you know what you have to work with financially this week?
Physical Needs
What do the members of your family need physically this week? KEEP IT SIMPLE. Remember, we’re talking about new for this week items, not the regulars. Need to have a new IUD inserted? Does your kid have one of those funky plantar warts and needs to see the MD? Is your partner feeling anxious and needs extra time to exercise or walk outside? Just really need a haircut? Does everyone need their Vitamin D levels evaluated? Pick your top few items, make sure everyone’s body is in check, and then move on to the next category.
Emotional Needs
This is the part of the list where you SLOW DOWN. Look at yourself and your family in this moment. Who needs what emotionally? Are you feeling pretty strong right now, or are you feeling tired and defeated? Is one of the kids struggling with school work or friend issues? Are you and your partner feeling more annoyed with each other lately? Just starting to identify the top few immediate emotional needs in your family will help you get a game plan in action, and also will enable you to be more clear and present. Remember, slow down, but try not to panic on this one. Oftentimes being resourceful and finding folks to support your family will alleviate some of the stress. Are you going to get it all solved this week? Maybe not. But you can start by acknowledging and uncovering needs, and initiating open conversations about them, which may help lighten the load.
Assignments
Divvy that sh*t up, my friend. Delegate. Assess who takes responsibility for each task, and create a time line on the calendar specifically for that to happen. Calling to schedule MD appointments? Mark out 8-8:15AM Monday (example) just for that task to be completed start to finish, and so on. Do remember, you can’t do it all, you shouldn’t have to, and if you try to you will 100% miss something that someone in your life could easily supplement. I could not have raised my children without my carefully chosen village of support. Some people were there from the time my kids were born, and are still important in our lives now as my kids are in their 20’s, and others were only around for specific periods of time as it was appropriate. And when you are truly on your own, at least for the moment, just take each task one at a time.
Here are some ideas:
Well of course, a doula! Enlisting birth and postpartum doula support is a great way to feel supported, rested, seen without judgement and nourished. They can help with traditional doula support, and some, like me will set up a meal train and administer it for you, teach a private class, or refer you to someone within our community who may be beneficial for you.
Ask the teachers and school administrators in your life for help and resources. Need after-school support? Want to find out about counseling during the school day? A great sports or theater program? Some of your kids favorite teachers are able to offer insight and resources. Not getting answers? Get to know other parents and see how they handle family life dilemmas. And yes-there are plenty of resources out there that aren’t expensive.
Therapy. Check your insurance plan for details, and if your coverage is inadequate oftentimes you can find a therapist or a center that provides a sliding fee scale. You can also check out www.psychology.com for therapists. A friend of mine who is a therapist in Chicago recommended this website to me years ago, and I still refer to it often.
Connect with the less obvious people. Notice acquaintances in your life who have qualities that you admire. Bonus points if you do NOT have those same qualities. The less like you, the better! Ask if you can sit down with them to pick their brain, or give you ideas on how they handle specific areas of their lives. These conversations can be around mentoring your kids, mentoring you, handling money, getting on a regular exercise routine, menu ideas for your kids, balancing work commutes with kids after-school needs, work issues, sex, marriage issues, ex-spouse issues, whatever. Some shared concepts may work with you and your family, and some may not be a good fit, but you don’t know what you don’t know! If something doesn’t really jive with your values or your family’s way of operating just kindly move on to the next resource. I can’t tell you how many times when I was raising my kids I would recruit people I admired as a support person in our family’s life. It works.
Take a break. This is a fun city. Google the events for Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky as well as Dayton, and get out there! Even if it’s a pain to pack all of the stuff and work around naps and potty times, its worth it. Can’t get out of the house? Find someone to connect to, a friend, your partner, a family member, another parent in the neighborhood or at the park, or a therapist. Priorities and answers sneak in when you make room to take a breath and connect to other people because you are living in the present, and can more clearly see the big picture. But seriously, take a breath or two, and spend 20 minutes making a list. You may find the weight of the family stress isn’t resting so heavily on you afterwards.
